Touhou Random Pairings
by JoanieSappho
Summary: What it says on the tin. Playing around with KimikoMuffin's random pairing generator left me thinking These should be written' And so ... they were! Oh, and expect occasional crack and heavy to industrial strength yuri.
1. Nice Boat

Disclaimer: Not mine. The characters and setting belong to ZUN, as does much beer.

The characters that don't belong to ZUN belong to KimikoMuffin.

Who is also not me.

Having been an occasional browser through Kimiko Muffin's webcomic Touhou Nekokayou, I have, naturally, run across his random pairing generator.

And upon seeing the first few names that popped up, along with the work of Sect who had this idea before me, I thought "This stuff needs writing!"

And so ... that stuff got written. Although I initially planned on only doing pairings using the Windows characters - due to those being the ones I actually know of - I accidentally left more boxes unchecked than I should have. And while no PC-98 characters turned up before I noticed my mistake, one of Kimiko's OCs _had_.

(Also, so had Giant Unamed Catfish X Nitori, but ... _no._)

I saw the pairing I had accidentally created and it was _good._

In fact, it went far beyone good into awesomeness.

So, I asked for, and recieved, permission from Kimiko to use his OCs, purely to do this pairing.

Anyway ... last thing. The 'how this is going to work' thing. I rolled up 20 pairings and wrote them down. Then, I write one, and put it online. Then I chose another one, and so on.

Anyway. My first such story, and the accident I mentioned before.

Masha Kinoko and CAPTAIN MURASA.

And yes, like BRIAN BLESSED, CAPTAIN MURASA's name deserves the all-caps.

* * *

Apparently, it was spring.

Masha Kinoko wasn't entirely sure why this was such a big deal, but she couldn't really ask the fairy flying along behind her about it.

Mostly due to said fairy flinging danmaku around whilst joyously proclaiming the arrival of spring.

Most youkai would have simply blasted the fairy but, perhaps due to her youth and inexperience, Masha's response to the bullet-spraying fairy had been to run off with her hands over her head, a technique that had worked the last time she'd tried it but, unfortunately, this fairy seemed more intelligent than most and had just followed her.

Closing her eyes was, Masha realised abruptly, a major mistake. The half-formed thought that maybe the fairy would go away if she couldn't see her was wrong on many levels and, even more obviously, closing her eyes meant that she _couldn't see where she was going_.

It might have been a rock or a root or even an invisible pumpkin, but the identity of whatever Masha ended up tripping over was less important to her than the fact that she _had_ tripped over and now the fairy was _right above her_ and it was _still shooting and she was going to get hur-_

_'Whang!'_

Something large swept through the air above Masha, smashing into the fairy and sending it flying off away from the terrified mushroom youkai.

Teal eyes were peering down at her when Masha opened her eyes again, glad to have not gotten the expected faceful of danmaku, but still scared.

"I was going to ask if you were alright," the owner of the teal eyes said gently. "But ... you ain't. You got anywhere you can go, or anyone who can take care of you?"

Silently, Masha shook her head. Daiyousei had helped her when she had first been born, but Masha hadn't seen much of her after that and had no idea where the abnormally intelligent fairy was.

Abruptly, the face of her rescuer vanished from sight as she straightened up.

"Don't ... don't leave me!" Afraid and worried that she was about to be left alone in a wood full of fairies and scary evil spirits again, Masha started crying before she felt arms underneath her, lifting her up off the ground.

"Don't worry," her rescuer replied. "I ain't gonna leave you. I reckon there's room on the ship for another lost soul. Unless you don't want to ...?"

Not trusting herself to speak after her ordeal with the fairy, Masha just wrapped her arms around her saviour and firmly shook her head. She felt _safe_, for quite possibly the first time in her short life. She wasn't going to say no to her brave, strong, _handsome_ ... Blushing, she buried her face in her saviour's shoulder.

As she carried the mushroom girl back to the ship- no, it was a shrine now, wasn't it? Murasa smiled to herself. Either way, she was still the captain. Looking down at the redhead in her arms, her smile grew. After all those years causing shipwrecks before Byakuren rescued her, it felt nice to finally save someone.

Especially someone so pure and cute and ... no. Bad Minamitsu. Bad thoughts.

"Anyway," she said after a few moments, trying to get her mind to change tracks. "I'm Minamitsu Murasa, captain of the Myouren Shrine! What's your name?"

"Masha ..." Glancing down again, Murasa was unprepared for the big, slightly teary eyes that peered back up at her.

As she had told Shou many times in the past, Captain Murasa doesn't blush.

So when Nazrin noted that her face was bright red when she got back to the shrine, she had clearly been mistaken.

* * *

A/N: And next up, according to this d20 and my list is ... Yuuka Kazami × Tewi Inaba.


	2. Bunnies and Flowers

Disclaimer: Still not mine.

Also, this one was a pain to come up with. I actually had more and better ideas for the Catfish/Nitori thing, and I'm trying _not_ to think about that pairing. But ... here we go.

Also: I do not choose these parings. They are randomly generated and ... yeah. Yuuka/Tewi is insane.

As for Masha ... go look at that webcomic I mentioned before. She pops up in the MSPaint Adventures spinoff on that site and is rediculously adorable, prone to flipping the fricking-frickity-frick out and, at the very most, a few days old. I just found that pairing to be amusing and it'll probably be the only OC-involving pairing I do.

Depending on if you count Old Reimu as an OC. She got rolled up a couple of times, too, and is pretty much just an older, more badass Reimu ...

* * *

Reisen wasn't the fastest in Gensokyo. She knew this - Aya and Youmu, for example, could easily outpace her.

Luckily, though, those two weren't chasing her.

Less fortunately, Tewi and the scary flower woman were the ones after her, instead of the inexplicable half-ghost and perverted tengu.

She frowned as something dawned on her. There wasn't anyone behind her. Either she'd gotten away from her pursuers, or they had somehow gotten in front of her.

Immediately the moon rabbit went sideways, cutting straight through the bamboo towards Eirin's clinic.

"Seems like she's figured it out," Yuuka remarked calmly, sat beneath a tree on the edge of her flower fields, apprently listening to one of the flowers nearby. "Certainly took her long enough."

Tewi snorted in amusement, taking a small drink of sake before replying. "Kids these days. No rabbit worth her ears would have fallen for that a century ago."

"Of course not," Yuuka replied, taking the sake away from the small rabbit youkai. "A century ago, every rabbit in Gensokyo had been raised by you. There weren't any innocent little moon bunnies around."

"Good days," Tewi pouted as Yuuka lifted the sake out of her reach.

"Incidentally," Yuuka smirked down at the suddenly nervous rabbit. "While I enjoyed that plan of yours, it got some of my flowers killed. You _know_ I don't like it when my babies get hurt. You know what I have to do now, right?"

Tewi's first instinct of _run_ was, unfortunately, expected, her dash for freedom ended abruptly as she crashed into Yuuka and was grabbed from behind. Also by Yuuka.

"...Twin Spark? Isn't that a little extreme?" Although she was very used to slipping out of trouble, the panicking rabbit couldn't get free from the taller woman's grip. "I'll make it up to you!"

"I know." The Yuuka behind Tewi replied, sounding amused as she held her tightly. "You _are_ going to make it up to us," the other one continued, advancing upon the helpless rabbit.

"_Next time_ you're going to get the Twin Spark." The Yuuka behind Tewi chuckled, her lips brushing against her cheek. "This time, we're going to let you make it up to us."

Tewi's _second_ instinct, on the other hand, worked out just fine, even though this wasn't exactly what she had expected the result of madly abusing her luck manipulation powers to be.

* * *

And next up? Cirno × Suika Ibuki

Clearly, this pairing is the strongest.


	3. Cold Sake

Disclai-: Look! Beer!

Also: I did kinda steal your gameplan, Sect, so don't feel too bad.

It was an average day at the Harukei Shrine.

The weather was pleasant, if slightly cool for the time of year, and Reimu Harukei was sat inside her shrine, sipping tea and pondering ways to get more donations.

Or, for that matter, _any_ donations.

Outside, the small form of Suika Ibuki was sprawled out, the little oni's prized bottomless gourd of sake occasionally rising to keep her comfortably drunk, if a little bored.

It had been weeks since anything interesting had happened and, after her last attempt at breaking the monotony had failed spectacularly, she knew better than to cause a little bit of trouble to amuse herself.

Frowning, the oni sat up. It had gotten very cold very qui-

Ah. _Her._

Grinning, Suika got to her feet, wobbling slightly.

"Reimu!" she called. "Gonna go fight a fairy!"

Reimu sighed, setting her tea down. " Just don't break any of my stuff," she called back. "No black holes this time. Those take ages to clear up after."

"But those are fun!" The fairy, shouted back, pouting.

"... _you're_ the fairy?" Reimu sighed. "Then no. _No _danmaku anywhere near my shrine. Do you have any idea what all that ice does to my stuff?"

"Well ..." Taking another swig from her gourd, Suika suddenly had an idea. "You say you're the strongest, right?"

"Because I _am."_

"Then prove it." The oni grinned at the fairy. "Only the strongest would stand a chance against an oni in a fist fight."

Cirno, the fairy in question, grinned back. "You're on!"

And then she jumped at Suika.

A moment later, she remembered that the oni had horns and apparently knew how to use them in a fight.

Landing in a heap on the ground, Cirno grinned, ignoring the bruise already beginning to form on her face, and charged again, this time staying on the ground. Ducking under a punch, she threw her whole body at the oni, knocking her back.

Peering out from the shrine, Reimu smiled to herself. The two looked happy and they were managing to avoid breaking any more of her st-

The shrine maiden groaned as the shrine's little storage hut was demolished as Cirno threw Suika through i-

... wait, _what?_ Reimu blinked, making sure that she was seeing what she thought she was seeing.

Cirno, the silly little ice fairy, had just thrown an oni through a shed?

Sitting at what she hoped was a safe distance, Reimu decided to pay attention to this fight.

Of course, she reflected as Suika bounced Cirno off of a tree, the usual spellcard battles meant that this sort of fighting never really happened. Considering how hard those two were hitting each other, Reimu was suddenly very glad that she never had to fight them that way.

... or for this long. Even though Reimu eventually got bored and wandered back inside, the fairy and oni still kept fighting, Suika's much greater strength and endurance offset by Cirno's speed.

Eventually, exhausted, battered and sore, Suika plopped back down beneath the tree she had first saw Cirno from, the ice fairy settling down next to her a few moments later.

After a few moments and silent companionship, Suika looked across at the fairy, raising her gourd.

"Fancy a drink?"

Not commenting on how Suika had thrown an arm around her shoulders, Cirno grinned back.

The next morning, Reimu found Suika asleep outside, clutching her gourd to her chest. _Again._

It was the first time that she'd found the oni curled up in the arms of a contented and wide awake Cirno, though.

D'awww.

Anyway. Next up is ... Hong Meiling x Keine Kamishirasawa


	4. Chinese History

Yeah, is short and rubbish. But I couldn't think of _anything _ here, so I just threw something together. Luckily, I've looked over the next few pairings, and they are all much more plausible and easier for me to write.

It was, as Mokou had put it one day, 'that time of the month' for Keine Kamishirasawa.

Despite being inaccurate in several ways, that term had stuck, even in her own head. While being able to feel and weave the flow of history around her was sometimes enjoyable, the more physical aspects of her change were ... uncomfortable. The horns, for instance, meant that she couldn't wear her beloved hat.

Even worse, the sudden surge in her power brought swarms of fairies running, each wanting to see and play with the supposed new arrival.

Unfortunately, the typical fairy idea of fun was to throw copious amounts of danmaku around. They didn't seem to understand that their ability to reform after death wasn't universal and, to make things worse, the full moon made them more powerful, too.

Normally, Keine would sit in a cave she had prepared and concealed but, tonight, the fairies had gotten to her first and she'd been turned around as she fought the seemingly never-ending tide of annoyances.

Coming out of a bank of fog, she found that instead of the cave she'd been aiming for she had arrived outside an odd, western-style mansion.

Despite the fairies chasing her, she dove down towards the mansion's gateway. The owners took a very dim view of people flying over the wall unannounced, even if they were friendly with the librarian.

Some of the fairies, either more intelligent that the others or, at least, having had more experience with this particular mansion, decided to go find entertainment elsewhere.

The rest found themselves flying into twin storms of danmaku as both Keine and the gatekeeper let loose with bolts and bubbles and streams of energy.

By the time the last fairy had gotten bored of dying and ran off, the two women were bruised and exhausted.

"While you're normally welcome here," the gatekeeper said after a few moments, adjusting her beret. "I'm afraid I can't let you in tonight. The mistress is doing ... stuff."

Keine smiled faintly, although something felt ... odd to her.

Realizing that she'd never come here during a full moon in the pasts, she peered closely at the gatekeeper.

On the outside, she was still the same tall, red-haired beauty that had always stood guard here but with her expanded senses Keine could feel the gatekeeper's history winding out behind her, only the smallest fraction of it inside Gensokyo.

And, therefore, almost completely unknown to Keine.

Noticing that the guard had started to blush under her scrutiny, Keine smiled reassuringly at her.

"Actually," she said. "I think I'll keep you company tonight, Meiling. If you don't mind, of course."

Nodding almost before Keine had stopped speaking, Meiling blushed deeper.

By the time morning came, she had fallen asleep, her head resting on the teacher's shoulder.

And next; Nitori Kawashiro × Aya Shameimaru


	5. New Camera

"You're saying that this is better than my camera?" Aya Shameimaru, one of the foremost reporters in Gensokyo, eyed the device that had been shown to her by Nitori, a particularly inventive kappa.

It looked a lot like her old camera but the differences were immediately apparent to Aya. She'd had her camera for a long time after all.

"Better than any other camera around," Nitori replied confidently. "Even that Hatate girls'. According to Rinnosuke, it's from the outside world and pretty good. I tested it out and it works underwater and in low light, it's good at taking pictures of fast moving things ... does pretty much everything you could want."

Raising a brow, Aya smiled faintly at the enthusiastic kappa. After hearing that it was better than her cheating rival's equipment, she wanted it. If only to stop that annoying little girl from getting hold of it herself. "I take it this is the part where we haggle?"

Nitori grinned back. "Not quite. I already have a price in mind for this."

"Oh?"

"The Moriya Shrine. You talked the shrine maiden into letting you interview her and have a look around, right?"

Aya sighed. "That was supposed to be kept quiet but ... let me guess. Momiji?"

Smirking, Nitori nodded. "She gets lonely. Gossiping lets her get company. Anyway ... I've also heard that they've got some technology from outside up there. Stuff way beyond anything I can find in Kourindou. If you can talk them into letting me have a look at some of that stuff ..."

Smiling at the hopeful look on Nitori's face, Aya nodded. "I'll see what I can do."

Surprisingly, it hadn't taken much to 'persuade' the Moriya shrine maiden to let Nitori poke around at her outside gadgets - just a few of the more embarrassing pictures she'd taken of the Hakurei miko.

It worked out quite well for Aya; the Moriya shrine maiden was distracted by Nitori bouncing excitedly around her stuff and let slip a few interesting little things that she had probably meant to keep to herself.

And watching Nitori bounce around like an excited puppy was both amusing and cute.

In fact ... Glancing at the kappa as they left the shrine, Aya quickly considered things. Despite her age there were things she had kept away from. Maybe now ... she considered the happy kappa before nodding to herself. She was old enough to accept that she'd been thinking about this for a while, just putting it off each time she went down to the kappas - or, rather, one particular kappa - for gossip to chase up.

Not that that had ever really been the main reason.

Coming to a stop, she tapped Nitori on the shoulder, jolting her out of her technical daydreaming.

Knowing Nitori well enough to know that she was far too shy to notice anything other than the most direct of approaches, Aya simply smiled at her.

And then tiled Nitori's chin up and kissed her.

After a few moments of surprise, Nitori started kissing back.

"That was ... unexpected," Nitori said after they broke contact, blushing furiously.

"And overdue," Aya replied, wrapping her arms around Nitori. "You didn't think I knew you'd been working day and night on that camera for me? Like you worked on my old one? And all of the other things you said you'd 'found'?"

Blushing even deeper, Nitori nodded, before the obvious occurred to her.

"But ... how did you know?" she asked quietly, not at all unhappy to be in Aya's embrace. "Were you watching me or ..." Catching a faint blush on the tengu's face, Nitori chuckled. "You were, weren't you?"

"O-only a little!" Aya said defensively. "I wasn't stalking you or anything!"

"You just couldn't keep your eyes off me?" Nitori smirked.

"Well ... no. Can you blame me?"

And next we have; Daiyousei × Tewi Inaba

Tewi seems to get around. Occasionally it's even willingly.


	6. Fairy Tricks and Treats

Most fairies had given up on trying to play with the shrine maiden. Reimu's response was to simply blast the fairies immediately, rather than engage them in a long, fun shoot-out like they wanted

_Most_ fairies. Some still hadn't, and watching them had replaced attacking the shrine as the main source of entertainment for the more sensible local fairies, and the occasional passing rabbit.

Indeed, as the fairies known as Sunny Milk, Luna Child and Star Sapphire set up another of their needless convoluted plans to get at Reimu, Daiyousei, and much more intelligent fairy, and Tewi, the leader of Gensokyo's silent but large rabbit population, were sat in a tree watching their preparations.

"Do you have any idea what all that's actually supposed to do?" Tewi asked quietly, eyeing the three fairies' contraption skeptically.

"Actually," Daiyousei replied slowly. "I think I do. If they put that bit around that tree - like they're doing now - then ..." she grinned. "This one might actually work for once."

"But you won't tell me what they're doing?"  
"Of course not. Where's the fun in that?"  
Tewi chuckled.

Looking down, Daiyousei frowned. "Wait ... I don't think I like what I see dow-"

What Daiyousei didn't like to see was left unsaid as Reimu stepped out of her shrine and the three fairies set their plan into motion.

Well, they tried to. At first, nothing happened.

A moment later, the tree that Tewi and Daiyousei were perched in shook hard enough to drop the pair of them onto the ground, another tree developed a very large crack, and a large pile of mud, animal waste and what seemed to be Youmu's ghost half was flung at the shrine maiden.

And the three fairies ran off giggling.

As Reimu wiped the ... stuff from her eyes, Daiyousei pushed Tewi into a nearby bush, leaving herself out in full sight of an angry and rather smelly miko.

After venting her displeasure at the fairy she assumed to be responsible, Reimu stomped off to get clean and Tewi pulled herself free of the bush she'd been stuffed into.

"Why did you shove me in there?" she asked the fairy. "We could have taken her together."

"No," Daiyousei replied weakly. "We couldn't have. And I pushed you because you're not a fairy. You break easy."

Tewi stared down at her. "You jumped in front of a rampaging miko for me?" She smiled fondly. "I guess I owe you one, but don't do it again!"

"Stop breaking so easily, then," Daiyousei replied with a smirk, before wincing.

"Let's get you to Eirin," Tewi said, gently scooping the fairy up. "Unless you want me to kiss it better, instead?"

"I think I do. And I hurt all over."

"I'll be thorough, then."

"Good."

On the next episode of Touhou Random Pairings!

"The tests are conclusive; you're Reimu's real father."

"No way! That's impossible!"

"Suwako? What are you doi- ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOHAT!"

Also; Kisume x Chen

Prepare for cute.

Buckets of it.


	7. Buckets of Cute

Chen knew she wasn't supposed to wander this far away from home. Even if she had somehow not heard Ran-sama's warnings and instructions, she still remembered the time that she had wandered of and Reimu had been mean to her.

Yet ... she was curious. Perhaps it was because she was still young, but there was so much out here, and it was all still new and interesting.

Besides, after she had made friends with Cirno and Daiyosey- Daiyussi ... _Cirno and Dai_, the fairies had stopped attacking her and Reimu knew she was a friend now.

Unfortunately for Chen, it seemed that the ground had it out for her now.

Like the cat she had once been, though, she twisted around as she fell, coming to rest on her hands and feet instead of her face. Like a stupid miko would have.

Glancing around and then upwards, she frowned. She had no idea where she was, and she couldn't get back up the way she had came.

She could fly, yes, but she couldn't fly through big rocks, like the one that had covered the hole she had fallen through.

While others would have pondered just where that rock that blocked her quick and easy escape route had come from, Chen was very much a shikigami of the here and now. She was underground in some sort of tunnel, she didn't know which way was up, and she could either go forwards or backwards.

Shrugging slightly, she set off ahead, her eyes already adjusted to the darkness.

There were rocks down here.

Lots and lots of rocks. Unfortunately, though, there were no stairs upwards or even anything more interesting than roc-

Chen yelped as something plummeted out of the darkness onto her head.

Jumping back, she glared at her attacker, waiting for the bucket to move and expose a weakn-

... wait, bucket? Someone had dropped a bucket on her?

Looking up, she couldn't see anything, so the mysterious bucket-dropper must have fled already.

Hearing a tiny noise from the bucket, she approached it warily, head tilted slightly.

When a head popped out of the bucket she yelped, jumping backwards in alarm again.

After several moments of debating whether or not to run away, Chen approached the bucket again, flinching when the head reappeared but not springing back this time.

The head was that of a young girl, green haired and apparently as afraid of Chen as she was ... as she was not afraid of it. Not at all. It had just startled her.

As the bucket girl was watching her nervously, only her eyes visible above the edge of the bucket, Chen decided to make the first move. Ran did want her to be polite, after all.

"Um ... hi! I'm Chen."

The head sank a little bit further into the bucket.

" ... hello. I'm Kisume." Kisume's voice was quiet, both out of nervousness and muffled behind the bucket.

"Do you know where we are?" Chen asked, peering over the top of the bucket.

"W-we're just above the Hell of Blazing Fires," Kisume replied, looking back up at Chen, some of her earlier shyness gone.

"H-hell?" Chen's ears flattened as she looked around, expecting giant horned shapes and demons to come lumbering out of the darkne-

"Hey! Kisume!"

Chen yelped. There was a giant horned demon-thing coming out of the darkness! And it was after the cute bucket girl!

"Y-you're not going to hurt my friend, demon!" Chen yelled, leaping at the shape with her nails elongating into claws and danmaku swirling around her.

After a remarkably short exchange of danmaku and blows, the 'giant horned demon' deposited Chen's unconscious form into Kisume's bucket.

"You'll want to keep this one," it said, sounding amused. "Considering how willing she was to defend you."

"You didn't have to beat her up, Yuugi." Kisume replied angrily, shifting Chen around so that there was room for both of them in the bucket. The fact that it ended up with Chen curled up on her lap was purely unintentional, of course.

Yuugi chuckled. "She started it, not me."

With a little noise of annoyance, Kisume began bouncing her bucket along the ground away from Yuugi, Chen's head cradled in her arms.

"Thanks for sticking up for me," she said quietly, stroking Chen's hair. "And calling me a friend."

* * *

Next time on Random Touhou Shorts!

"My name is Ichirin Kumoi. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

Also; Cirno × Letty Whiterock


	8. Hostile Weather

A/n: What's this? References to a past story? Something that almost looks like a plot if you drink heavily and squint at it?

Yeah. Don't get used to this, 'kay?

* * *

There was little that could put an oni at risk.

And while this was usually fine, things tended to get boring for Suika.

And that was why she was wandering around the upper reaches of Youkai Mountain in the middle of winter. Even her endurance wouldn't stop a sudden avalanche from causing quite a lot of damage and that unfamilar feeling of danger was rather exciting. Also, it was interesting to see how the place had changed since she'd lived up here.

Well, at least it _had_ been interesting to look arounduntil the wind had picked up and the sky filled with snow.

Suika frowned. The weather had _never_ been like this up here before.

_... Suika._

She sighed. Someone was picking a fight with her again? Bringing up this blizzard to hide in, too.

Rather than responding to the voice calling her name, she instead turned her attention to the snow swirling around her, gathering it together and condensing it into a seat.

_... Suika ..._

After taking a drink, she sighed. It looked like whatever youkai was bothering her wasn't just going to go away.

"Yeah?" she called back, taking a swig from her gourd. "What do you want?"

_"The fairy," _ the voice called back from somewhere within the blizzard. "_What are your intentions?"_

"Eh?" The oni blinked. This wasn't what she thought was going to happen. "Cirno? Don't really have any intentions. Just fight a bit, drink a bit, maybe snuggle some more." She shrugged. "Besides, what's it got to do with you?"

"_Everything,"_ the voice replied coldly. "_Cirno is young and foolish, and I won't permit you to take advantage of her any more."_

"Oh? And what're you gonna do about i-"

Apparently the last swirl of the blizzard had contained more than just snow as a fist caught Suika in the gut, knocking her off of her frozen seat.

"You know," Suika said as she got back onto her feet, looking around for her attacker. "If you keep on like this you're going to end up breaking the spellcard rules."

Then she ducked, narrowly avoiding a boulder that had been tossed at her head.

_"Is the big bad oni afraid? Going to go hide behind the miko?"_

_That_ struck a nerve and instead of just avoiding the next blow, Suika landed one of her own, knocking her assailant down to the ground. She hadn't seen the youkai before, so she couldn't put a name to her fa-

_Wait ... _

"It's been a while, hasn't it? And, don't worry. I'm a big girl now, Letty. Reimu doesn't need to know about this since I can take you down myself."

With Letty unable to hide back in the blizzard, it looked like Suika was right as the little oni began to lay into her attacker, eventually pinning her to the ground.

"Now," she said. "Before I break the rules myself, you'd better start making sense. Why did you attack me? What did I do?"

"Cirno," Letty replied, struggling for a few more moments. "That's what you did." Unable to escape, she sighed.

"That silly little fairy cares far too much about you. And you care far too little about _her_."

"Too little?" Suika repeated quietly.

"Yes. You want to 'just fight a bit, drink a bit, and maybe snuggle.'" Letty replied scathingly. "When she finds out that you don't return her feelings, Cirno is going to br-"

"I never said anything about my feelings," Suika repled quietly

"Oh? Then I'll ask you, oni who never lies. Cirno loves you. Do you love her?"

There was a long silence, broken only by the creaking of ice and the whispers of snow over stone.

"I thought no-"

"_Yes."_

Letty frowned, pulling one arm free. Expecting an attack, Suika was surprised when nothing happened.

And then she glanced over her shoulder and saw the rocks and snow on the mountain above her settling back down from where they had been poised to collapse down upon her.

When she looked back to Letty, the yuki-onna was gone.

'

In a cool, icy little cave, Cirno slept, exhausted from the day she had spent playing. Smiling gently, Letty sat beside the fairy, stroking her hair softly. "I might not be able to make you happy," she said quietly. "But it looks like she can."

She sighed as Cirno shifted drowsily. "I just wish it was me."

* * *

Next week on Touhou Random Shorts;

"Eeek! A ghost!"

"... that's a mirror, Youmu."

And next we have; Kaguya Houraisan × Patchouli Knowledge


	9. Patchy's Discovery

A/N: The next story shall be connected to this one and feature a special little bonus that I shall not tell you about.

Also, this one may (or may not) be the start of something longer. I am unsure and not committing to anything.

* * *

Patchouli stared.

Unfortunately, this was one of the few problems that she couldn't get to go away by throwing magic at it until it stopped moving. So, she had to try talking, even though she doubted that it would be any more effective.

"Are you sure, Remilia? I've been researching ways to improve my health-"  
"For the last twenty years," the little vampire replied, delicately sipping her tea. "And have you acted upon your research?"  
"Well, no." Patchouli replied, shifting uncomfortably. "It's a complicated subject and-"  
"Then my suggestion is the most logical course of action," Remilia put her teacup down. "Your health hasn't been getting better, Patchy. And ... this is _my_ library, after all."

Patchouli stiffened at the implications. "You would throw me out? After this long?" She asked coldly. "Then ... fine. I will go to this place, _old friend_."  
As Patchouli stormed out, the vampire sighed, picking her teacup up with her left hand.  
And blocking the blow aimed at her head with her right.  
"You know you don't have a chance," she said calmly, sipping her tea as she threw her attacker back.  
"Of course not." Her tail whipping angrily behind her, Patchouli's assistant landed in a crouch.  
"But you'll be sorry for upsetting her like that."

"Yes," Remilia nodded, setting her tea down again. "I will. But I'd rather be sorry for forcing her to get better than sorry for watching her get worse, Koakuma."  
"I .. I suppose so," the little devil took a step back as the vampire stood, grinning in a way that showed her sharp little teeth.  
"Of course, I have to punish you now," Remilia said cheerfully, giggling as Koakuma turned and ran.  
"Oh, I love it when they run!"

Patchouli did not like Eientei. Oh, Yagokoro knew what she was doing and she felt a bit better already, but the rabbits were noisy and she couldn't make any of them explode. She missed being able to take her frustrations out on foolish fairy maids.

And her books. She'd already read everything she could get her hands on, and she missed her library.  
Perhaps it was because of boredom or maybe she was going into book withdrawal, but Patchouli found herself quickly growing restless.

There was one part of Eientei that she had been told not to go into but, after several days of boredom, Patchouli couldn't restrain her curiosity.  
It wasn't as if it was unguarded, but not all of the spells she knew were simply for making things explode. Passing a few rabbits without them noticing was child's play for her.

Unfortunately, what Patchouli found was not a library to rival her own.

In fact, what she found in the little building was similar to Marisa's semi-coherent descriptions of the 'computers' that could apparently be found in that half-youkai's shop. Remembering that they were supposed to be some sort of outside shikigami, she approached it carefully.  
When it didn't act like the nine-tailed fox and fling her across the room, she began a closer inspection.

This ... was _better_ than a library.

As she had often done back in the library, Patchouli only noticed that it was night when she glanced up to see that it had gotten dark without her knowing.  
Going back to where she was supposed to be wasn't an option, she decided. By now Yagokoro must have noticed that she had gone, and the rabbits would be looking for her. Not that they would be much trouble to avoid, but she was not so sure about evading Yagokoro.  
With that decided, she turned back to the computer.

Kaguya smiled to herself. She had seen the vampire's magician wander in and, instead of confronting her, had watched as she found the computer.

Normally, she wouldn't let anyone touch her precious, but the little noise that the magician had made had just been so adorable, as had been her excitement and joy at discovering the internet for the first time. It was cute, and reminded Kaguya a lot of herself.  
And, she mused as Patchouli drifted off to sleep with the monitor's light illuminating her lilac hair, the magician was rather cute.  
Smiling, she nodded to herself. She'd never set out to do this before, but that would just make it more fun.  
Then she frowned.  
With the magician asleep in front of her computer, how was she supposed to look up how to seduce her?  
There was only one real option.

"Eirin!"

* * *

Next time on Touhou Random Shorts!

"I've been in the shower. Did I miss anything?"  
"M ... Mima?_!_"

Also: Koakuma x Marisa Kirisame


	10. Koakuma Stole the Precious Thing

Koakuma was not having a good day.

To start with, her master was off in Eientei, both to have her various illnesses treated and to test the relationship between the Scarlet Devil Mansion and the bamboo forest that Remilia had been carefully building up for a while.

Koakuma wasn't as attached to Patchouli as a shikigami would have been, but she still missed her. The magician had been her master for nearly eighty years now, and Koakuma had gotten soft and attached to her.. Unwisely so, at times. She still couldn't believe that she had attacked Remilia for upsetting Patchouli with her ultimatum.

And that led directly on to her second and third problems.

Remilia's punishment had been painful, and mostly in ways that weren't fun.

And the next two weeks would be just as bad. She'd already gotten on Remilia's bad side, so playing with the fairy maids was pretty much out, and with Patchouli gone, Koakuma would be on her own in the library.

Perching herself atop one of the bookcases, she grumbled to herself, fiddling with the spellcards that Patchouli had never let her use, saying something about affronts to common decency and them just being wrong.

She was considering sneaking out to try melting that ice fairy when the library doors banged open in a most familiar way.

Smiling, she peered down as a blonde witch strolled into the room, expecting an attack from Koakuma's master.

The vampire couldn't complain about her playing with the witch. And, since Patchouli wasn't here ...

Glancing at her spellcards, the devil grinned and dropped down to the floor.

Behind cover, of course. She knew better than to startle the witch.

Peering around a bookshelf - after sending a starry spray of danmaku around it first - the witch frowned as she saw Koakuma.

"Where's Patchy?" she asked, sounding concerned. "Usually she's trying to shove a non-directional laser up me by now."

"Eientei," Koakuma replied. The relationship between the witch and her master was oddly friendly, and the continual 'thefts' were more of a game between them than anything serious.

After all, if Patchouli was really upset she could easily ask her vampire friend to send her maid round to take the books back. And to leave knives in various parts of the witch. Master Spark or not, Marisa had no way of preventing someone who could stop time from doing whatever they wanted.

Of course, that boundary youkai had dropped by soon after the mansion had gotten into Gensokyo to inform them that Sakuya using her abilities to bump people off would lead to Unfortunate Consequences. Koakuma hadn't been there for the demonstration, but it had apparently convinced everyone that they didn't want to find out just what those consequences would be.

"Off with the Moon Princess?" The witch sounded confused which, considering what she'd been told, was understandable. "How come? And how'd you persuade her to leave her library?"

"They say that they can do something about her asthma," the devil replied. "The vampire didn't give her much choice, though. It was either go for a bit or go for good, although I don't think she'd really follow through on that."

"Probably not," Marisa replied. "And since Patchy's going to be in a bad enough mood when she gets back, I guess I'll just go now."

Koakuma smirked. "Hardly. I've been wanting to cut loose for a while now, so you're not going to get away that easy."

The witch grinned. "Fine by me, even if you don't have any spellcards."

"I do. Patchouli just doesn't let me use them. But, since she's not here ..." Koakuma smirked back, ducking aside from Marisa's initial attack and sending her own bullets back, the two exchanging simple shots until the witch was where Koakuma wanted her.

Grinning despite the shot that grazed past her head, she held up one of her cards.

"Devil Sign: Rentacle Ta-"

"Whoa! No! _No!_" Reacting _very_ quickly, Marisa darted aside and blasted the card out of Koakuma's hand.

"How the heck is _that_ a spellcard?"

Flushing, Koakuma ducked under a wave of starry danmaku.

"I didn't really get the spellcard rules to begin with! I just got told to make some attacks that suited me, and the maid was impatient and she _glared_ at me … anyway, I know these aren't proper spellcards, but Patchouli never lets me use them, so I wanted to see what they were like."

"You're a strange, strange person," Marisa muttered, her attention shifting from the fight slightly.

Noting the slight diversion in Marisa's attention, Koakuma smirked, declaring her first ever spellcard in Gensokyo.

"Devil Sign: Shadowed Embrace."

A wave of darkness, reminded Marisa far too much of that annoying night sparrow, rolled out, the witch dodging a wave of danmaku by instinct. As he vision cleared, she saw Koakuma in front of her and immediately brought her own card - and her mini-hakkero - up.

"Love Sign: Master Spark. And I win agai-"

"Lust Sign: Chains of Sin."

Having thought that she'd beaten Koakuma already, Marisa wasn't able to move quickly enough to avoid the chains that burst from the floor to wrap around her body. As she struggled, she watched the Koakuma in front of her vanish in a way that was far too reminiscent of the clone spells she'd seen before.

"Lust sign?" She asked after a few moments, unable to wriggle free.

"I _am_ a succubus, you know," Koakuma purred from behind Marisa, her breath tickling the witch's ear. "And it looks like _I_ win. Do I get a prize?"

"Of course. It's all tied up and waiting."

A/n: And ... the special extra! The random pairing generator that's behind these stories has many settings and filters.

Well, five or six, actually. The pairings here, with the exception of the first one, were all generated using the 'Windows Characters' setting. But I looked at the others, including the 'Objects' filter. And while most of the objects were either unshippable or unknown to me, two weren't.

And this is the story of one of those two object pairings. The other shall appear with the next story.

It was part of Gensokyo that had no name and only one inhabitant, a doll that had been abandoned amidst the poisonous flowers that filled this field and killed human and youkai alike.

Yet that doll was not alone here.

Like her, others had been abandoned to the field of deadly flowers, things that had served their purpose and now lay forgotten.

Any Outsider unfortunate enough to stumble across the field would recognize one of these discarded machines as a tank. Oddly built and heavily rusted, but still familiar.

Crouched beside it, sheltering it from the harshest of the winds and rain was a massive, only slightly weathered form, almost like a man save for its size and lifelessness.

An old weapon and the height of kappa science, both cast aside and forgotten by all save for the uncaring rain.

And each other.

* * *

A/N: So. Hisou Tensoku and Rika's Flower Tank. Yeah.

Anyway, next time shall be Youmu Konpaku x Komachi Onozuka


	11. Secret Agent Yuyuko

A/N: So ... this collection of random Touhou pairings has, suddenly, acquired a plot.

Well, not really a plot. I mean, there is a plot, but not all stories will have anything to do with it, and some will only be vaguely connected to it at all.

So, more of a metaplot.

You'll know it when you see it.

* * *

Ran Yakumo was not having a good day.

First she'd had to step in and persuade Chen that Cirno's idea of freezing the lake solid was a _bad_ idea, then she'd had to get a few outsiders who'd somehow wandered into Gensokyo out before someone ate them, and _then_ Yuuka had either threatened her or propositioned her, before, finally, she'd needed to go to Makai and talk Shinki out of invading because Alice had forgotten to write to her for the last few years.

And she hadn't even had breakfast yet.

Then there was _this_.

"... you want me to help you spy on your gardener?"

"Of course! She's been all weird lately." Yuyuko Saigyouji was a friend of her master, so she couldn't just blast her in the face and go home.

Not that she would anyway, but the temptation was certainly there.

"Once we find out why she's acting all funny we can go to that sparrow's food stand!" Yuyuko paused before striking at one of Ran's weak spots. "I've heard that she's started doing tofu, too. I'll pay if you help me!"

Sighing, Ran nodded. The way things were going today, this was probably her only chance to get something to eat. And considering how well the night sparrow cooked lamprey, her fried tofu should be _amazing._

"Very well, then. Where shall we begin?"

"At the beginning, of course." Yuyuko smiled, bouncing happily on the large crate she was at on.

_It's an act._ She told herself. _It has to be. No one could be that silly and liv- oh. Right._

Ran brushed that train of thought aside. She wanted to get this done so that she could enjoy the tofu she had been promised.

"And where would the beginning be?"

"The beginning of what, exactly?" Yuyuko frown before waving a hand to dismiss the question. "It doesn't matter right now, though. Youmu should be leaving for the Village any time now, and we have to follow her! Now, get in this box, please."

Ran stared at her.

"In ... the box?"

"Of course!" Yuyuko nodded. "We can't have Youmu seeing you, after all!"

"But she doesn't know that I'm watching her." Pausing, Ran frowned. "She _doesn't_ know, right?"

"Don't be silly. Of course she doesn't know that you're going to be watching her. But I don't know if she knows that she doesn't know. You know?"

Rather than even trying to follow Yuyuko's attempt at logic, Ran simply got into the box, noting that it was missing a bottom. Presumably she'd be walking around in it. The mental image of her doing that reminded her that it had been a while since she'd last seen the Hakurei turtle.

There was no chance that she'd be able to stand up properly under this thing, but Ran would be damned if she was going to crawl around with the box on her back.

It was, after all, hardly difficult to use magic to move the box along. She was about to start doing just that when something else occurred to her.

"Yuyuko? How am I meant to watch Youmu inside this thing? Seeing through wood isn't one of my talents."

"But I can," Yuyuko replied happily, her head appearing through the side of the crate. "Because I'm a ghost!" There was a slight pause. "Woo! And there's a little bit I can push out .. ah! Here! Now you can see, too."

_Just think of the tofu, Ran,_ she told herself. _The lovely, lovely free tofu._

"And there she goes!" Yuyuko exclaimed, having fully entered the crate. "Full speed ahead!"

"Full speed would put us ahead of Youmu," Ran replied quietly, peering through the rather small slit in the box. "She's hardly running off."

With a slight bit of manipulation, the box began to drift along after the half-ghost gardener as she passed over the gate between Gensokyo and Hakugyokurou. Somehow, Youmu failed to spot the crate apparently moving along behind her. Unlike her mistress she was almost painfully easy for Ran to read, and her complete lack of reaction was simply impossible if she had noticed her stalker.

Along they went, Youmu remaining oblivious to those following her as she picked her way through the silent Forest of Magic.

Others, however, seemed to be paying all three of them a lot of attention. Small shapes, smaller than any fairy, hid amongst branches and undergrowth, almost invisible.

Almost. Ran had developed sharp eyes very early on in her life as a shikigami, back when Gensokyo wasn't nearly as safe as it was today, even - or especially - for the shikigami of Yukari Yakumo.

As she had expected, Youmu was stopped by a cheerful voice and a slight blonde figure appearing from the perpetual darkness of the Forest.

"It's unusual to see you here, Youmu," Alice Margatroid said, her favourite doll hovering beside her. "But very convenient."

"Hello Alice," Youmu replied politely. "But what do you mean, 'conveni-' oh. You wish to test another of your danmaku dolls, I take it? I'm not that I'm the best person for this, and I'm in a bit of a hur-"

"Nonsense," Alice smiled faintly. "You're _perfect_ for this. More so than anyone else in fact."

Apparently Alice had inherited her 'mother's' taste for dramatics as, at that point, a tall figure stepped out from behind a tree, standing squarely in Youmu's path. "As with the dollmaker's other dolls, it resembled a girl, red haired with a long braid trailing down its back.

The long, curved swords that it held were different, though.

"This one, you see, was created as a response to _you_, after all." The blonde shrugged. "Well, you, some of the tengu and that celestial."

"Interesting." Youmu frowned. "A sword fighting doll. It would be ... well, interesting to spar against ... one of ... those ..." trailing off, the half-ghost turned red.

"W-what's you d- oh my- doll doing?"

Blinking, Alice first looked at her new and motionless doll before turning the other way to stare at her other, older doll.

Which was wrapped around Youmu's ghostly half.

"I ... I don't know," she stammered back, flushing slightly. "What's your ... your _thing_ doing to Shang- wait. _I'm_ not making Shanghai do that. And _nobody_ can take over my dolls. Which means ..."

With a shocked look on her face, Alice darted over to the enthusiastically entwined ghost and doll, snatched up her doll and ran off.

Still incredibly red and rather short of breath, Youmu stared at her ghostly half for a few moments before resuming her journey, seeming somewhat dazed.

"I thought the girl and the ghost were both Youmu," Ran whispered to Yuyuko. "But if they are ... why couldn't she control it - control herself?"

"They are both Youmu. And she doesn't have control over herself because she doesn't have control over herself. Well, mostly. Apart from the bits that she _does_ have control over, obviously."

_I really should have expected that sort of answer_, Ran thought to herself as she steered the box along after Youmu.

"And it seems that she isn't going to the human village," Yuyuko remarked after a while, jolting Ran out of her thoughts.

Looking around, she could see that the ghost princess was right. The forest looked nothing like it should if they had been approaching the village. Instead, it seemed as if ...

"Yes," she mumbled as the trees began to thin and, abruptly, vanished, leaving them beside a road that stretched down to a river. "Odd that someone so young would visit the Sanzu."

"I'm not sure it's the river that she's visiting," For the first time in a very long time, Yuyuko sounded vaguely serious to Ran.

Considering this change, she followed after the gardener as she first followed, then left the road, eventually reaching a secluded spot on the bank of the river where she - perhaps literally, Ran couldn't quite tell - flew into the arms of the person sat by the water.

"Not that I mind, but how come you're so happy to see me?"

"Because it's you." With a contented little sigh, Youmu snuggled in closer to the woman she had almost jumped on. "And it's been too long since I last saw you."

"It was three days, ago, Youmu."

"Exactly. _Far_ too long, Komachi."

Ran smiled. For once a youkai was up to something that _didn't_ risk the balance or the very existence of Gensokyo. Then she frowned. Something ... was most definitely _not_ righ-

Without the usual warnings of an impending ambush, an implausibly wide - even in Gensokyo - beam of energy swept out from the far bank of the Sanzu.

Each responding by trying to shelter the other with their body, Youmu and Komachi suddenly found Yuyuko's arms around them, the ghost princess taking the brunt of the unannounced attack for both of them.

As the beam died down and the three collapsed, Ran extricated herself from the remains of the crate. "That ... green I saw," Yuyuko , struggling weakly, was quickly supported by both Komachi and Youmu as she struggled to stand, both looking equally battered by the attack. "Was that ..."

Ran nodded. Not having jumped directly into the path of the attack, she'd had a much better view of what was going on.

"Mima? I'm afraid so."

* * *

The other object/object pairing: Shanghai and Myon (Youmu's ghost half)

As for why Youmu can't control Myon ... can you control yourself? _Completely_? Your subconscious, your reflexes and all that other stuff?

And the next pairing:

... yeah. You'll have to wait and see.


	12. The Devil's Songbird

A/N: Finally! It is up!

Also, several of the previous stories have been edited. Mostly to correct spelling mistakes, but a couple have had some minor edits.

* * *

It was, for the most part, a typical night in the Scarlet Devil Mansion.

It probably said a lot about the Mansion that a 'typical night' included explosions in the basement, a witch blasting a succubus through a wall in the library, and a fairy with a bra on her head streaking in the garden.

Seated on her balcony under the nearly full moon, Remilia Scarlet sipped her tea and tried to pretend that her mansion wasn't full of hyperactive fairies and womanising sneaky thief witches.

Smiling slightly as Sakuya casually dispatched a passing fairy streaker with a single, perfectly thrown knife, the small vampire surveyed her domain, noting the extra person at the gate.

"What do you think of Meiling's new … friend, Sakuya?"  
Of course, considering how close the two figures at the gate were, 'friend' was probably something of an understatement.

"Keine Kamishirasawa is both a reasonably powerful youkai and an influential figure in the human village," Sakuya replied, determinedly refusing to look down at the couple by the gate.

"While she is too independent to join us, she will be a strong ally when dealing with the village in the future."

Nodding, Remilia set her cup down and glanced at the maid.

"And what do you _feel_ about her?"

Although Sakuya sighed at that, she knew better than to refuse to answer the question.

"I want to chase her off or get rid of her permanently."

"Even though you've made no advances towards Meiling?"

Blushing lightly, the maid nodded. "Even so."

"Of course, you wouldn't actually do any of those things," the vampire said.

"Of course not, milady," Sakuya replied, not sounding particularly happy about it.

With a sigh, Remilia turned back to her tea and the dark forest laid out on the other side of the lake below her.

For so long, the random explosions and laughing fairies of the mansion had be a familiar, comforting noise but recently they had begun to sound empty and hollow.

Most things did after that night two weeks ago, when she had heard the most indescribably beautiful song drifting up from the forest.

Sighing, she stirred her tea before straightening up.

Sighing? She was _the Scarlet damned Devil!_ She _didn't _do sighing and pouting and moping!

Nodding to herself, she finished her tea and stood.

"Milady?"  
Briefly, she considered bringing Sakuya along. The maid's ability could make this much easier …

She grinned inwardly. Easy? That was for children.

"I'm leaving the mansion for a few days, Sakuya," she replied calmly. "You are to remain here and ensure that the fairies don't run riot. Any more than usual, I mean."

"Of course, Milady."

Glancing at the maid, Remilia could practically see her mind working. "And Patchouli is to stay here, too. In fact, everyone in the mansion _stays_ in the mansion until I return."

Catching the slight flicker on Sakuya's face, the vampire smiled. She could be so _transparent_ at times.

As Remilia left, Sakuya frowned. _She_ couldn't go with the mistress – if Remilia Scarlet told you not to do something then you _didn't do_ _it_ – and neither could Patchouli, even if the magician could be persuaded to leave her library. She had no authority over Patchouli's familiar, so Koakuma was out, too. The maids were fairies and thus both unreliable and generally useless, and the mistress' younger sister was … no. Just _no._

Clearing the table of the still warm teacup and saucer, Sakuya watched as Remilia flew over the gate and past Meiling who was dozing outside of the mansion.

Sakuya smiled to herself. 'Everyone in the mansion _stays_ in the mansion' Remilia had said. And Sakuya wouldn't dream of going against that.

But Meiling was _outside._

It had been a long time since Remilia had last hunted alone, but she was glad to find that the old instincts were still working. Not, of course, that she had much idea of where to actually look for her mysterious singer.

Still, that was simply a detail, and a rather small one considering some of the things she'd done in the past. Finding one person in a forest … well, she was Remilia Scarlet. Of course she'd do it.

… not during the day, of course. She _was_ a vampire. Luckily, making a cave to hide from the sun in was one of the many things you could do if you had enough explosive force. Naturally, she had plenty to spare.

After a week spent searching the forest and resting in her little cave, Remilia was getting impatient. She'd survived just fine before she'd had the mansion and the maids and the baths and the tea, but that didn't mean that she enjoyed going without those things for too lon-

The vampire's inner rant was cut off suddenly as her nose found something _far_ more interesting for her to concentrate on.

Feeding on rabbits – she'd made sure to ask if they were from Eientei first. With Patche's various conditions Eirin was going to be useful – was good enough to get by, but her nose was telling her that there was some delicious food being cooked nearby.

Abandoning her search for the night, she followed the wonderful smells until she found a little path and a rather rickety looking eel cart.

Not that she really cared about how the cart looked – after a week of raw rabbit, the eels were what she was interested in.

"Guess you make a lot of money selling food."

Remilia rolled her eyes. Weak youkai acting like they were stronger than they actually were annoyed her. The group of youkai that had just come swaggering up the path weren't even very good at acting powerful. Nobody in their right mind would be afraid of the-

As the cute little bird youkai behind the cart started backing up, Remilia sighed.

_Well,_ she thought. _At least _she _isn't pretending to be powerful when she isn't. But like _hell _I'm letting that bunch of idiots interfere with my food._

Having spent almost all of her time in Gensokyo inside her mansion, Remilia hadn't had much chance to indulge herself with dramatic entries. Slightly upset that there wasn't any chance of a suitably dramatic thunderbolt to announce her arrival, she decided to go for the other sort of entrance.

Mystia was panicking. She could probably take one, maybe two of the youkai advancing on her, but there were seven of them.

Swallowing, she stopped backing away. It wasn't much of a cart, but it was _hers_. And she was unlikely to get another one.

Nervously flexing her talon-tipped fingers, she prepared herself to at-

"I'm hungry …"

Mystia had managed to find the courage to face her robbers, but a creepy voice coming out of the dark forest? She wasn't sure that she wanted that.

Neither, it seems, did the youkai, who started looking around nervously.

Apart from the leader, a one-eyed rabbit who had, according to rumour, been kicked out of Eientei, losing her eye in the process.

"It's just her idiot friend," the rabbit said, before smirking. "_One_ of the idiots. That silly darkness girl."

A girlish giggle wafted out from the forest.

Then an angrily glowing spear shot out, blasting the rabbit into unconsciousness.

As the other youkai began to demolish nearby trees with blind danmaku, Mystia fired her own shots, downing one of her would-be attackers in the confusion.

Once again, the voice drifted in from somewhere in the forest.

"_I'm still hungry..."_

Her nerve breaking, one of the youkai ran, disappearing into the shadows.

A few moments later, there was a loud scream, cut off abruptly with a snap.

Glancing at each other, the remaining youkai took off into the air, leaving the rabbit and the youkai Mystia had knocked out behind them.

Licking her lips nervously, Mystia looked around at supposedly empty forest.

"Erm … if you're still hungry, I could do some eel. Much tastier than sparrow."

"How much?" Somehow, while she had been looking at the trees, a small, bat winged girl had approached her cart. Mystia would have yelped in surprise, but she had just recognised the girl by reputation, and was more busy trying not to faint.

"F … free." She stammered. If the scary vampire wanted food that _wasn't _called Mystia, then she could have it. Besides, she had just saved her.

Putting her cart into some semblance of order, Mystia shakily began preparing the eels. Normally she'd be chatting with her customers, but normally they weren't scary killer vampires.

In an attempt to calm herself down and distract herself from wondering if vampires could smell fear, she began to sing to herself, not noticing as the vampire stiffened in shock.

"Have you ever thought about working somewhere else?" The vampire asked, causing Mystia to jump slightly. "This forest doesn't seem too safe."

_That was certainly true, _Mystia noted. "Well … yes. But there's not really anywhere I could work. The humans don't really like youkai in their village."

"I don't mind them in my mansion," the vampire replied, leaning in. "I've got a maid and a guard, but no cook. They try, but …" Delicately, the vampire plucked a piece of eel off of the grill and brought it to her lips. Watching the vampire eat was … well, Mystia had never thought that seeing someone eat would make her feel like _that_.

Stepping around the Grill, which Mystia had been keeping between them, the vampire reached up and tilted Mystia's chin down to look into her eyes.

"Of course," she said quietly. "There are other reasons I want you around, my cute little songbird."

Eyes widening, Mystia found herself trying to back away from the scary vampire _and_ lean in towards the pretty girl at the same time.

Not surprisingly, this resulted in a loss of balance, the night sparrow falling on top of the vampire and knocking her to the ground.

After a few moments of surprise on both parts, they began to close what little distance remained until-

"G-get away from the mistress!"

Looking up in surprise, Mystia was dimly aware of a red-haired woman bursting out of the forest. Then she was very aware of the foot in her side that sent her flying off into a tree and unconsciousness.

Glaring at the youkai who had clearly been trying to force herself on the mistress, Meiling turned to help her mistress back up. She stopped when she saw Remilia's face.

"Ah … it wasn't what I thought was it?"

The vampire shook her head, getting up and looking disturbingly calm.

"Sh … should I run?" A good chase would get rid of some of the mistress' anger, Meiling knew. It wouldn't stop her taking it out on her, of course, but it would reduce the pain she'd be put through.

Remilia, her expression fixed and neutral, shook her head again.

Swallowing, Meiling closed her eyes.

This was going to _hurt._

_

* * *

_

A/N: And the next shall be Fujiwara no Mokou x Hong Meiling.

Oh my. Keine may have to hurt someone.


	13. Rascally Rabbit

A/N: It lives!

Also, I have done … something. An OC. I kinda sorta made one. Don't worry, I won't use her often. If there's any other way that makes sense, I'll probably use that. Although she might pop up in the background sometimes and … well, be a character rather than a deus ex bunny when I can't think of anything.

* * *

Misaki Inaba was not a nice bunny.

She knew that as well as anyone else did, and was usually quite happy about it. Being a good girl was, after all, _boring._ Unfortunately it seemed that every other rabbit in Eientei was boring and wanted her to be, as well. Even Tewi refused to let her go as far as she wanted.

Now that she had left the bamboo forest, though, she was free to go as far as she wanted with her amusements, and generally enjoyed herself immensely.

Of course, going as far as she wanted to had the unfortunate side effect of making a lot of people want to do unpleasant things to her and, because of some unexpected vampire interference in her last attempt to get some spending money, she'd gotten caught and led off back to Eientei where she just _knew_ that they were still upset about that … thing she'd done to the doctor.

Even though there was only one youkai taking her back to Eirin's clutches, Miskai was well aware that trying to overpower her guard simply wasn't going to work.

Apparently the vampire's gatekeeper had done something to annoy her, and she'd been given the task of dragging an unwilling rabbit through the Bamboo Forest of the Lost. If it has been one or even a few of the fairies in the mansion, Misaki knew that she'd be off on her merry way long before seeing bamboo, but the gatekeeper … well, she'd heard stories. And seen things. She wasn't likely to be able to take her down, even if she took her by surprise. And if she somehow _did_ manage to deal with the gatekeeper it wouldn't be quick or quiet, and she'd soon be up to her ears in humourless rabbits. Misaki was well aware of just how closely Tewi actually watched the forest, and knew that if you could see bamboo, a rabbit could hear you.

She frowned as she began to recognise the area of the Forest her escort had gotten lost in. This part of the forest was particularly closely watched, and things would only get worse the further they went. She was unlikely to be able to outrun or outfight the gatekeeper, but this was the best chance she was going to get.

Tensing, she prepared her surprise attack, gathering herself for a sudden burst of danmaku and a lot of runni-

"Lost?"

_Well bugger. Of course _she _had to show up._

The reason that this part of the forest was well watched was standing in front of Misaki and Meiling, her hands casually in her pockets.

"A litte bit. Do you know the way to Eientei?"

And, naturally, the gatekeeper had to be the one youkai in Gensokyo who wasn't too proud to ask for directions.

With the two of them, Misaki didn't even have a slight chance of escape.

Well, perhaps …

Misaki held back a grin. She could work with that.

Meiling was relieved. She'd heard enough about Fujiwara no Mokou to know that she was the best person you could hope to run into, especially when lost in the bamboo forest. She knew the area and, although somewhat surly, was easy to get directions or guidance from, and she didn't have a habit of starting fights, although she was clearly able to take care of herself.

_Very _able to defend herself, Meiling noted as she followed behind her new guide. The muscles in Mokou's arms had a similar tone and definition to Meiling's own, and the unconscious grace with which she navigated the forest floor indicated that she had good speed and balance to go with her strength. Although nothing could really be seen under her baggy clothing, Meiling guessed that the rest of Mokou was like her arms; toned, graceful, shapely …

As she began to get distracted with thoughts about Mokou's legs, Meiling blushed, reddening even further when she saw her guide looking back at her.

Either it was her imagination – which was suddenly quite active – or the immortal had been looking at her legs.

Deciding to see if she was right and Mokou had been looking, Meiling discreetely adjusted her clothes, causing more of her bare legs to show as she walked.

She _was _looking!

Meiling was quite pleased by that. Back at the mansion the most attention she got was Sakuya's attempts to catch her napping. The obvious interest of another woman, especially one who seemed like she could keep up with her without using magic and _cheating_ was … exhilarating.

Closing the distance and moving beside Mokou, Meiling allowed their bodies to come into contact a few times.

Oh, she was _definitely_ interested.

Dimly part of her tried to remind the rest of her brain about Keine and their slowly building friendship with its hints of more, but that little part of Meiling's mind was drowned by a wave a of silky pale hair and intense red eyes.

"I guess it gets lonely out here," Meiling said, putting all of her admittedly limited experience with seduction into her voice.

Again, a little part of her had something to say, but she didn't _want_ to be reminded of the rabbit. She was busy with something much more interesting.

Normally, Mokou would either have brushed off or ignored any attempt to flirt – or even talk – with her, but …the redhead intrigued her. And interested her. While the few people that she saw took care of themselves, none of them had done so to the extent that Meiling had.

And none of them had such nice legs, either.

Not really noticing or caring that she was acting oddly, she smiled slightly at the rather clumsy attempt at flirting. It wasn't something she got often, and when she did, she hadn't been interested.

"A bit." she replied, enjoying the feeling of her arm and Meiling's brushing against each other as they walked. "But … the peace and quiet is nice, too. You could do practically _anything_ out here, and nobody would interrupt or bother you …"

Mokou couldn't honestly claim to be particularly good at seduction either, but as Meiling blushed and grinned, it seemed that she didn't really need to be.

Thoroughly forgotten by the other two women, Misaki smirked and she watched them.

Staying and watching the show did have its appeal, but she hadn't set this up for that sort of thing.

Quietly hurrying off before any rabbits turned up to see what was going on, Misaki felt pleased with herself. Who needed to go through with all of the effort and bother of violence when you could simply mess with their desires.

* * *

A/N2: Yeah. Misaki Inaba, the OC. Still, as long as I don't do a shameless self-insert, I can still respect myself slightly.

But the throwaway bunny from the last story was all that came to mind when I tried to link Meiling, who is usually stationary, and Mokou. Who is also usually fairly stationary somewhere else. I didn't really have a plan for her other than being something vaguely more interesting than your usual generic background youkai/fairy, but she seemed to fit in with already established stuff. From the Kaguya/Patchy story I had the idea of Eientei and the SDM being friendly. (I still want to do a 'Kaguya sends Flan over to Mokou's house to play' thing. With Mokou not being told, of course.)

From the Remi/Mystia one I had this bunny who had possibly done something to really annoy Tewi. We also had Remilia being rather annoyed with Meiling. And we had the bunny out cold at the end of the last story. It didn't seem like too much of a stretch to say that the bunny (Misaki) was still wanted by Tewi, and Remi, either wanting something or just aiming for better relations/a debt to call on, would send the bunny to Eientei as a gift. Or payment for something.

As mentioned previously, there's only really two people in the SDM who could be trusted to do anything. Well, three, I suppose. Meiling, Sakuya and Koa. Patchy isn't healthy, Flan isn't sane, and Remi isn't going. She's got a new pet bird to play with.

Which, I guess, would also exclude Mystia. I forgot I put her in the SDM.

Of those three, Koa is possibly too weak. She's certainly the weakest of the three.

Sakuya is certainly possible – she's powerful and, if she can move people while time is stopped, could have taken Misaki and come back in under a second. But, she's the only competent maid around. As for Meiling … Remi not wanting to see her around for a while is plausible, and Sakuya can pull double duty as maid and guard until she gets back. Meiling's ability to maid is unknown. Plus, making Meiling walk there and back could serve as an extra little punishment, I suppose.

The only thing I really feel bad about is Misaki's barely mentioned ability. The ability to manipulate something is a fairly common one amongst Touhou character. You've got boundaries, density, flowers, distances, poisons, eternity ... the ability to manipulate desire doesn't seem too out of place, right?

Except in this sort of thing, where it feels like it'll turn into an easy 'get out of work free' card.  
I shall endeavour to not play this card, or even remember it exists.

And I ramble. Sorry.

Next time:

Marisa Kirisame × Suwako Moriya

Pimprisa strikes again!

… and not for the last time in my nearly completed list of twenty pairings. I've not been cherrypicking, but Marisa turns up a _lot._

Well … confession time. I _have_ been excluding characters. Any pairing with any of three characters has been ignored, for what I hope and think are good reasons.

The characters in question, appearing when only the 'Windows Characters' box is checked are; Youki Konpaku, Myouren Hijiri and Rin Satsuki.

The reasons; two of these characters have, as far as I'm aware, only ever been _mentioned_ in the games. They haven't appeared, done anything or said anything. One, and possibly the other, is dead. One before Gensokyo even existed. Those two are Youki and Myouren.

Rin, to me, is as much a Touhou character as Missingno is a pokemon. She exists in the data, but not the game. She isn't even mentioned anywhere.

So, yeah. Other than pairings involving those three, I took the first twenty pairings that I generated, made a list out of them, then randomly picked pairings off that list until I got to where I am now.

Also, having just rolled up the second list of twenty, I find that Tokiko comes under Windows Characters, even though I thought she only appeared in Chronicles of Lotus Asia, and should be under Manga Characters/Fairies.

Speaking of which, I've read pretty much all of those and recognise every character that pops up when I include that, so should I expand this into windows characters and manga characters? Even though this'll introduce Rinnosuke and make there be two male characters to get in the way of the heavy to industrial strength yuri.

And I'm really finished this time. Sorry for all of the extraneous words.


	14. Play Your Cards Right

Marisa Kirisame was exploring.

Some others might call what she was doing 'stealing', but … well, they'd be right. But she refused to think of herself as a thief. She wouldn't take anything anyone really needed after all. She wouldn't steal food from someone who didn't have any more.

That sort of restraint was why she was here, 'exploring' the Moriya Shrine.

Thanks to her long and odd friendship with Reimu, she associated shrines with food, tea, high quality fun danmaku and sleepy shrine maidens who didn't wear much in bed or notice when she sneaked in for a peek.

And while Reimu had been too busy fumbling with her sarashi to notice Marisa this morning the witch knew that she'd be low on both food and tea. Reimu always was at this point in the month.  
Added to her quest for free food was also her curiosity. The Moriya shrine maiden was the newest outsider to Gensokyo that hadn't gotten herself eaten or whisked off by Yukari.

Marisa knew that Yukari said that she took the outsiders back to where they came from, but she also knew better than to trust anything Yukari said. She'd met her, after all.

In her imagination the Moriya shrine had been filled with strange, interesting things from outside, but, as far as she could see, it was pretty similar to Reimu's.

Pouting as she carefully opened a door and peered through, she decided to give up and head to the human village for her usual mid-month source of tea. She also got caught before she could enjoy the fun of sneaking into Hieda no Akyuu's house, but the girl was nice and always let her read her books. Maybe she'd figure out a way to sneak one of them out past her this ti-

"Hello!"

Jumping backwards and ducking, a habit picked up after years of suddenly getting either a doll, a book or a gohei to the face, Marisa blinked as, for once, she _wasn't_ immediately attacked upon being caught snooping.

Not immediately attacked, but she knew that the little blonde goddess who'd caught her rummaging in a drawer was very able to take her on if she wanted to.

"There you are," Marisa replied cheerfully, as if she hadn't just been found with her hand in her underwear drawer.

"I've come to worship you, oh great and cute little frog goddess girl!"

As Suwako grinned back in a way that reminded Marisa far too much of Yukari, the witch began plotting a route to the nearest window.

"Liar," Suwako chirped happily. "Except for the little bit, I guess."

"And the cute part was true, too," Marisa added, discretely shuffling so that she'd have a clear run at the window.

Leaning against a wall – and blocking Marisa's escape route, the goddess smirked. "You get points for flattery, buuuut …" Grinning as she stretched out the last word, Suwako bounced happily over to Marisa. "We can't have you just sneaking in and stealing Kanako's panties, you know."

Ah. Here it came, the inevitable fight. Also, Marisa was rather surprised. Judging by the cute little frogs on them, she'd thought they belonged to Suwako.

"Sooo…" Suwako drawled, startling Marisa by somehow having gotten behind her. "What to do with you? I can't do anything permanent thanks to those rules, and danmaku's gotten a bit boring recently." Grinning, she bounced and clapped her hands together as something apparently occurred to her. "How about we play a little game? If you win … I'll let you take some stuff."

Marisa shuddered at those words, remembering when she'd heard them from Yuuka.

Still, either this would turn out to be danmaku as most things eventually did, or she'd actually get to play a game, possibly one from outside that would be new and fun and interesting.  
Or Suwako would make her play Yuuka's bamboo 'game' again.

"What sort of game? And what if I lose?" She asked warily.

"Nothing bad," Suwako replied, smiling as she produced a deck of cards from under her hat. "Just … well, have you ever heard of poker?"

Ah. That game. Marisa nodded, relieved that she wasn't on unfamiliar ground but also slightly disappointed at not getting to see some new outside game.

"Yep! Kourin found some cards once, and Patchy has … _had_ a couple of books on it. Thing is, though, I don't really have any money on me for the bets."

"Suwako's grin grew. "Then we'll just have to use something else then, right? What do you have on you?"

Marisa shrugged. "Just my clothes." And her mini-hakkero and a pair of Kanako's underwear that she'd hidden under her hat before Suwako had turned up, but she wasn't going to mention either of those. They were hers now, and were going to stay that way.

"And … what happens if I lose, again?"

"You get to serve me," Suwako replied, smirking. "For a whole week, doing whatever I want you to. And as you only have clothes … we'll use those. If you lose a hand, off go the clothes you bet. If you win, off come the ones I bet. Winner is the last one naked."

Marisa wasn't sure she liked taking the risk of becoming Suwako's servant for a week, but … that'd only happen if she lost. Which she _wouldn't_.

"Fair enough." Sitting, she adjusted her hat. "Let's do this, then!"

By the time her shirt came off, Marisa was having more fun than she usually did. She'd only ever played this with Reimu and Kourin, and neither of them cheated – unless you counted Reimu's intuition, which Marisa did.

Suwako on the other hand … Marisa had learned a lot from this game.

She'd also managed to figure out a way to use what she'd learned from watching Alice control her dolls to magically mark the cards in a way that Suwako didn't seem to notice.

She was especially proud of that.

The game of poker – and, more importantly, the game of cheating and counter cheating – continued on, neither gaining much of an advantage, although Suwako won three hands in a row when she shifted her legs and gave Marisa a glimpse of something stripy.

Naturally, neither Marisa or Suwako was willing to give up their hat and, rather satisfyingly to Marisa, the game eventually came down to both of them in nothing other than their headgear.

And … Marisa had figured out Suwako's newest system of cheating. Unless she was wrong … the goddess had a better hand than she did. While she wouldn't be especially bad to serve, especially compared to just about everyone else in Gensokyo, Marisa still had no intention of being anyone's servant.

Not even when she had been learning from Mima did she consider herself a servant, and she _wasn't_ going to start now if she had any say in it.

Unfortunately, as Suwako put her cards down, it seemed that she didn't. They each had bet one item of clothing and she only _had _one piece of clothing on he-

As she revealed her losing hand, she smirked.

"… you've lost. Why are you looking so happy?" Suwako frowned. "Either you're really happy about serving me or … of course. What are you up to?"

Grinning, Marisa took her hat off.

And then reached inside and removed the pair of Kanako's panties that she had taken before she was caught.

"One piece of clothing, fresh off of me," she replied, tossing it onto the pile of her clothing. "_Now_ it's the last hand."

Suwako chuckled. "Well played, Marisa." Then, abruptly, she leaned in until her nose was practically touching Marisa's, her face suddenly serious. "Try it again, though, and you'll spend centuries begging for death."

Then she sat back and dealt the last hand, smiling happily again.

Neither of them had been expecting the game to last this long and, for the first time in the game, the cards were dealt honestly, neither knowing what they or their opponent would get.

When the cards leant down, both girls were leaning in to see who the winner would be. By unspoken agreement, their cards were set down simultaneously, and it took a moment for the victor to realise that she had won.

"So," Marisa smirked, patting Suwako on the shoulder. "How many things can I take?"

"Three," Suwako replied, leaning back and pouting.

Grinning, Marisa looked around. "Right then … I'll be keeping these panties, since I wouldn't have won without them, and … this book." She didn't recognize the language, but that the book even _more_ interesting. She'd have a whole language to figure out and then a mystery book to read at the end of it.

"And the third thing, what I want most …"

Pausing, she glanced down at Suwako, who was still pouting.

Smilling, she reached down and hugged the small goddess.

_She has nice eyes,_ the witch thought to herself as she found herself looking into them. _And she's fun and interesting and …_

"You did say I could take _anything_, right?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Pack your bags, I'm taking you home with me."

* * *

And next;

… oh dear.

Byakuren Hijiri × Yuuka Kazami

…!


	15. Hated Flowers

A/N: I have to say, I'm not happy or proud of this one. But between various things and going back and forth ovr two ideas for how this would work out, it very nearly _didn't happen._ Because I decided to stick with what I had and beat out enough words to get it to a minimum size. Then I polished it a little and went to bed. Because doing this on a weekend and not letting myself sleep until it was done seemed like the best way to make sure that it WAS done.

Also, Lord Tenma is mentioned. I honestly can't remember where I heard the name – if its fanon or canon, but he's (possibly. This _is _Gensokyo, so 'she' might still apply) is the one in charge of the Tengu.

* * *

For those who lived in Gensokyo, there were many things that were deliberately not thought about too hard.

Such as how someone could be both a ghost and a living human at the same time, or how discarded and forgotten umbrellas and dolls would eventually get up and start walking around on their own.

Or how a lot of the flowers in Gensokyo could talk to a particular youkai, telling her everything that they saw.

Not that Yuuka Kazami made great use of her nigh omnipresent spy network. Most of what they saw was considered uninteresting and never got reported, and Yuuka herself had little real interest in the world around her.

With a few exceptions.

The new shrine by the human village had only gotten her mildly interested, but when one of her sunflowers told her about a garden by the shrine with odd flowers in it … well, that interested her.

It interested her enough to take a look, in fact.

Leisurely flying towards the village, Yuuka was soon aware of the wave of terror spreading out before her, the local youkai and even the majority of the fairies darting out of her path as she drew near.

As they _always _did, no matter how unlikely she was to waste her time on such weaklings.

Not feeling like a game of 'dodge the laser' with the village's self-appointed protector, Yuuka skirted around the settlement and landed gently in the garden of the new temple that had appeared next to it, carefully avoiding landing on any of the plants.

This meant she landed on top of a mouse youkai and knocked her unconscious, but she didn't really care about mice much.

Stepping down off of the mouse, Yuuka slowly circled the garden, carefully inspecting the flowers.

As her sunflower had said, these were quite unusual plants. Not just because of the odd and often supposedly incompatible selection of species, but the feel of the plants was off, too. The wild plants in Gensokyo had always been precisely that – wild and constantly struggling to grow and release their seeds. Her plants were calmer and more dignified, but they still had a feeling of unpredictability and power to them.

These plants, on the other hand were calm and still. Unnaturally so, in fact. Being surrounded by them Yuuka found herself feeling uncomfortably calm and still. Yet – and she checked to make sure – there wasn't anything odd going on here. No magic or spirits or boundaries of any sort being messed with. These plants were just … calm.

Boring, really.

Pausing for a moment, she smiled, feeling someone powerful approaching. Maybe she'd wake these flowers up a bit.

For a few moments she tried to think of some excuse for starting a fight, before realising that being both Yuuka Kazami and bored was enough of a reason.

Then she shrugged, grinned and span around, her parasol aimed at her new playmate's head.

She had expected it to be dodged, but the woman behind her simply reached up and batted the parasol away with one hand.

That was impressive. There weren't many in Gensokyo who could do that – if anyone other than that oni or maybe Yukari or Lord Tenma had tried it, they wouldn't have had a hand left afterwards.

Deciding that the woman with the funny hair – it seemed to gradually change colour from purple to brown – was most powerful physically, Yuuka decided to keep up with the physical attacks. There was no victory sweeter than beating someone at what they were best at, of finding their strengths and being _better than them._

But the woman didn't seem to want to be beaten. Or to fight back. She was deflecting all of Yuuka's attacks, but not launching one of her own.

"I'm not aware of anything that I've done to provoke this sort of response," she said calmly, batting away a blow from Yuuka's parasol that was intended to split her head open.

"Does there need to be a reason?" Yuuka asked in response, demolishing a tree when the woman side-stepped yet another attack.

"Generally, yes," she replied. "Or, at the very least, an introduction. I've found that people here tend to be … well, not polite. " She smiled slightly as she caught a kick with one hand. "But at least quite considerate about letting you know who they are and why they're attacking you."

"You don't know who I am?" Yuuka was surprised. It had been quite a while since she'd met someone who hadn't heard about the 'crazy flower woman'. Apart from outsiders, but they were weak and silly and didn't really count.

"I'm afraid not," her 'victim' said, tilting her head to avoid a finger to the eye. "I've missed the last thousand years, I'm afraid."

A thousand years? Yuuka couldn't remember if she was around that long ago. "Then allow me to introduce you to the beautiful terror of Gensokyo's blossoms!" And then she stepped up her attacks, interspersing her blows with volleys of danmaku, all of which were dodged or turned away.

"Why won't you fight back?" she screamed eventually, losing patience with the constant deflections and ducking.

"I have no reason to," the woman replied. "As you have no reason to fight me."

Growling, Yuuka felt her body and spirit ripping itself apart to attack from two sides at once. "Fight back!"

Despite the extra Yuuka trying to kill her, the purple-haired woman didn't seem too bothered by being suddenly outnumbered.

There was also a reason why Yuuka rarely did this, and never for long. Keeping herself in two parts like this simply wasn't natural and even her power was insufficient for keeping it up for long.

Eventually, still not managing to land a clean hit on her annoying opponent, one of the Yuukas faded away, leaving one somewhat tired and very annoyed green-haired youkai swinging away with her parasol.

"Fight me, damn you!"

"No," Feeling her temper snap, Yuuka charged, swinging her parasol with both hands. Enough with the rules. For once killing was worth the bother that Yukari and the Hakurei would give her.

Swung with all of her strength, Yuuka's parasol descended upon the woman's head.

Until she caught it, her bones audibly shattering under the blow.

But she was still calm and placid, not even seeming to notice that the bones of one hand and most of an arm had just been shattered.

With more strength than anyone should have after an injury like that, she darted forwards, wrapping her arms around Yuuka and pinning the flower youkai's arms to her sides.

"No," she repeated, still calm but sounding a little more forceful. "I won't fight you, Yuuka Kazami, Master of the Four Seasons who even fairies run from."

So, she _did_ know who she was. Or had heard about her, at least.

Also, although Yuuka couldn't move her arms or hit anything with her knees or feet, she _was _able to lean forwards and sink her teeth into her shoulder.

There was a definite wince as Yuuka bit her, the first response she'd gotten from any of her attacks. "I won't fight you, Yuuka, " she said as the Youkai gnawed at her. Annoyingly, her skin seemed to be especially hard and the bitting wasn't actually doing much.

"You will!" Yuuka shouted back, pulling back as much as she was able. "Fight me! Fear me!"

"No. I won't fight you," she repeated. "And I don't fear you."

"Liar," Yuuka snapped back. "Everyone does. You know of me – you fear me too! Everyone does – even the Hakurei girl. Even _Yukari_ treads carefully around me!"

_Even Elly did, running away as soon as she realised that I wouldn't hunt her down and kill her. _Everyone _hates and fears me. Everyone._

"I don't, " the woman repeated, continuing to hold Yuuka. "I know what it is like to be hated and feared by all around you. I don't fear you, Yuuka Kazami., and neither do I hate you."

"Lies," Yuuka muttered back, feeling herself going limp as the woman's words made the adrenaline leave her body.

"No." The woman released her, bringing her hands up to turn Yuuka's head to look directly into her eyes. "I'm _not_ lying."

"You're … not, are you? You actually don't hate me?" This was … new. Yuuka didn't know how to react to this and for once simply blowing it up seemed … wrong. "But, everyone …"

_Everyone does. They always have._

"Not everyone." There was a slight pause. "And, I'm sorry. I neglected to introduce myself, didn't I? My name is Byakuren Hijiri. Welcome to the Myouren Shrine." Another brief pause. "Everyone here has faced the fear and hatred of others." Relaxing her grip on Yuuka's face, Byakuren stroked her cheek. "We know what it is like far too well to treat you like that."

Yuuka didn't cry.

That mouse was definitely lying when she told people that she did when she heard that.

* * *

And next, Shizuha Aki × Letty Whiterock.

I have to go look up which one Shizuha is.


	16. Falling Leaves

Minoriko Aki yawned loudly as she curled up on her bed. It had been a particularly trying year, what with the red miko blasting her way through everyone on her way up the mountain, then with the witch coming along to steal her potatoes.

But now the harvests were over, the last of Shizuha's leaves was about to fall, and she got to curl up in a big pile of fluffy blankets for the rest of the year.

The only real problem left was Shizuha.

The Aki bed was built for two – not for the reason that a certain filthy-minded curse goddess claimed – but for the last few years Shizuha had been sleeping somewhere else.

And Minoriko didn't like this. She didn't like this _at all._

Shizuha was _her_ sister. They weren't apart when they were awake and before this they hadn't been apart when they were asleep, either. It just wasn't _right._

So, when Shizuha slipped out of bed to do whatever it was that she had started doing, Minoriko waited for a few moments before getting out of bed as well, immediately setting off to follow her sister.

Then she remembered that there was supposed to be another step between getting out of bed and following Shizuha, and ran back into the little cabin that they shared to get dressed.

"Don't worry," a voice said as Minoriko was putting her skirt on. The absence of any visible speaker naturally caused her to do the exact opposite of what the voice said.

Responding with instincts honed by years living in Gensokyo, she sprayed danmaku around wildly.

Along with three cup, a pan and a large stuffed bear, she managed to hit her unexpected companion, knocking her into a wall.

Shimmering into sight, Nitori Kawashiro rubbed her forehead.

"Right," she muttered to herself, unsteadily getting back onto her feet. "No more forgetting when the optical camouflage is on. Maybe build in some sort of system to let me know its status. I could use those goggles Rinnosuke found and stick one of those things Kochiya-san mentioned into it..."

Sighing, Shizuha checked her clothes. Yes, they were on.

"I would like to stay and chat, Nitori," she said, heading to the door. "But I've got to go." She paused for a moment. "Actually, do you know what Shizuha gets up to? That Aya knows everything that happens, and you and her are …"

Minoriko wasn't entirely sure just what the tengu and the kappa were, but she figured that they were close enough that Nitori might have access to her rumoured notes on all of the inhabitants of Gensokyo.

"Your sister?" Nitori frowned. Aya had never really found either of the Aki sisters to be interesting enough to pay much attention to at all. Then another thought hit her. If she fiddled with that heater Rinnosuke had, she'd be able to solve one of the problems preventing her automatic cucumber growing and harvesting machine from working. Also, Momiji had mentioned that relationships benefited when the people involved shared interests. Aya _had_ started to like tinkering with things when she'd taught her how to repair and maintain her camera. Maybe if she dug up a… what did Aya call it? A scoop? Maybe if she found one here she'd understand Aya a bit better. Or at least make her happy by presenting her with a new story.

"I don't know but I'll help you found out!" She exclaimed. "We _did_ get a great cucumber harvest this year, after all. I guess I owe you for that."

Not wanting to waste anymore time as well as realising that she probably needed the help, Minoriko nodded. "Alright, then." She said. "Let's go."

Luckily, Shizuha hadn't gone far.

She was stood under a tree, staring up at the one leaf that hadn't yet fallen down.

As Minoriko watched, the leaf gave way to the wind and drifted down into Shizuha's hand.

The last one," Shizuha said, almost too quietly for Minoriko to hear.

So, her sister wanted to see the last leaf fall? That was understandable, really. It was a bit like how Minoriko always helped bring in the last harvest of the year. They were important.

But, that still didn't explain why Shizuha didn't come home after that, so Minoriko and Nitori remained hidden, watching as Shizuha, carefully holding the leaf, turned and left, heading towards the mountain.

Was she going to see a tengu?

No, Minoriko quickly discarded that idea. The tengu were _terrible_ at keeping anything secret, especially personal details like who was sleeping with whom. They gossiped about that sort of thing constantly.

It was in the wrong direction to be one of the kappa, as well.

… _that curse goddess? Hina Thingyami?_ That was an uncomfortable thought. Minoriko had nothing against her, but she knew enough about Hina that she didn't want her sister spending any time around her. It wasn't Hina's fault, but all of that misfortune she gathered tended to do things to those around her.

Of course, misfortune was better than the alternative. There was someone else who lived up there, but surely Shizuha wouldn't be going to see _her_.

Following along, she frowned. Shizuha wasn't going the right way to meet Hina, and it was starting to get cold. She _couldn't_, could she? She knew how Minoriko felt about her.

As Shizuha entered a cave and Minoriko crept towards the entrance to make sure that her sister wasn't _that_ silly, the harvest goddess found herself swearing under her breath.

The last person she ever wanted to see was sat on a rough bed in the cave, yawning drowsily as Shizuha brushed her hair with a look of contentment on her face.

Minoriko _hated_ that frigid crop-killing cow but … Shizuha looked happy. Grumbling to herself, she settled back down, deciding to watch for a bit longer before driving Letty Whiterock away from her sister.

Letty would slip up and do something to deserve it, she knew.

Minoriko watched silently as Shizuha gave the last leaf to Letty. She watched as Letty tucked Shizuha into her own bed with a fond smile.

As she watched Letty sit beside her sister until she fell asleep, Minoriko sighed. She still couldn't stand her, but clearly Shizuha _did_. And she'd never hear the end of it if she got with of the yuki-onna.

At least if she did that without provocation.

As Letty left her cave, Minoriko stood, grabbing her from behind.

"I know where you live," she hissed into her ear. "If you hurt her – if she even _looks_ sad and I think its your fault, I will _end_ you."

"Then I have nothing to worry about," Letty replied, ceasing her attempts to struggle free. "Although, if Shizuha sees you holding me like this, she might get the wrong idea."

Blushing furiously, Minoriko released her grip and jumped back.

From behind a tree, Nitori abruptly realised that she didn't have anything to write any of this down on. Aya would be disappointed with her.

* * *

And next up ... another case of having to check which one she is;

Watatsuki no Yorihime × Chen

... Chen's the fox one, right?

EDIT: That was a joke, reviewers. I know which one Chen is. I meant I'd have to look up which of the two moonb- ... Lunarians I was given.


End file.
